The identity of "you" changed from lifeline to lifeline, and I thought I always remained true to myself. But looking back, I see that I did not.
I molded myself, changed myself in subtle, and sometimes not so subtle ways.
I shake my head a little, and smile ruefully to think of it now.
But now, I can no longer be who "you" want me to be... I can be only myself.
And I am good with that.
You are most welcome in my life, but now, I am only "as is."
Perhaps that is the greatest gift of growing just a touch older. I know who I am. And I am more than ok with that.
What a lovely time to be alive.
xo
9 comments:
Good for you for getting there. I hope you dropped breadcrumbs
Lovely! It is indeed good to be true to yourself. You may have more identity crises along the way - I certainly have - but for the most part, being me is easy to be too :) Stay you as you are, Stevie!
The older we get, the less it matters.
I've learned not to sweat the little stuff, and the big stuff tends to sort itself. Be true unto thine own self, or something to that effect! xo
And surround yourself with beautiful people... like all of you! xoxo
Hi Stevie,
I might be in broad agreement with the gist of what you are saying here, I but not the detail of the “rueful smile”. Because in the end, it’s all good.
Shakespeare’s Polonius, in Hamlet, is the source of Dale’s comment “to thine own self be true”. But Shakespeare was surely speaking more of his own life’s experiences when he wrote
“All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players” before going on to describe how we all go through seven ages, adopting and changing to each. We all adopt and change, and go on doing so. It’s a vital part of the friendship-making selection process.
I now embrace the fact I myself chose to “change” a little with each genuine relationship, and indeed wore a “mask” for some of the others. It was a small price to pay for the knowledge and experience gained. I’m the better for it. So no “rueful smiles” and no regrets.
Ah Sir Ian... you know, you are right. I cannot truly be rueful (well, in one instance, I always will be a little rueful, but perhaps that is more bitterness) when every person and experience has made me into who I am today. I guess it is a bit of a compilation, isn't it? I am glad you commented... you have given me excecllent food for thought.
xo
Excellent*
Clearly my typing still needs work... ;)
What a lovely thing to read. I have found, especially having come out the other side of a very dark year or two, that I'm totally fine with who I am, warts and all. It is one of the great joys of getting older that I am worrying less and less how others who are standing by the sidelines react to how I behave. As long as I am harming no one, their judgements matter very little, and this is a good thing!
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