wow...

So, I picked up my new car today. And of course, it cost $120 to register (tax) and my insurance will come out as well (another $90). And as I did not sell as many boughs as I hoped (see only one today) I was feeling a bit bummed out. Not making the extra cash means fewer gifts I can buy, and I drove my new car feeling both elated and a little blue. Then, I turned on Facebook. This is the first post I read, from my friend Heather: "BEST CHRISTMAS present and MIRACLE EVER!!!!! went to see my Doc today...turns out that the reconstruction/mastectomy surgery has actually turned out to being a possible LIFE SAVING procedure!!!!! YES...it was "back" and I KICKED it in the ASS at the earliest possible time!!!! NO more Breast Cancer for me!!! All I wanted for Christmas was my two front "C"s...little did I know GOD was helping me to be Breast Cancer Free!! I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many people that love me and have helped me with this journey, and recovery!! GOD bless you all.. I feel like the RICHEST woman on EARTH!!!..but just in case..maybe today is the day I should buy THAT Lotto Max ticket cause if this isn't my luckiest day...I don't know when will be!! ~~~ :) hahaa Love to you all my friends, God Bless you and keep you this Christmas Season!!! xoxoxo from ME :)"

Suddenly I felt ashamed... ashamed that I would be so concerned about not buying a few more gifts... ashamed that I was not feeling more blessed myself. And I realize, that I truly am blessed. I have another car (her name is Ophelia!), I do have gifts to give under my truly perfect Christmas tree, and I have 13 people coming to dinner on Monday, my amazing family and friends, and I am healthy, happy, and live in absolute paradise. Sometimes the universe sends us a message. And heaven help us if we do not hear it. May you all look to your blessings, may you all be surrounded by love, may you all see that the things that matter do not come under a tree, are not purchased. The most precious things in our life stand next to us, grow around us, are often intangible... but are never, ever to be taken for granted. My love to all. Stevie

Dec. 20

It's quiet. Blessedly so. Not all that early really, but the dogs are fed and out (I am awaiting the inevitable barking that signals the attack of the hoards of grizzlies Trappeur is certain will come every day... it is usually a deer), Tony lies abed yet having stayed up all night playing chess online, and I have a cup of coffee and a few precious moments peace. Not that I do not love them all. But being truly alone is a rare commodity for me. And, I miss it. Today is Dec. 20, and time now to get a tree. I don't like to get one any sooner... it takes something away from the excitement of Christmas for me. And today, I pick up my new car! A Honda CRV, well maintained, and a 4X4. AND... Ta-ra ta-ra! it will have studded winter tires! No more sliding around Westside Road for me. Not to worry, I will not take on false courage and careen around corners! We are hosting Christmas Eve dinner this year, as Scott will spend Christmas day with his bride to be's family. I believe the head count is 15... Good thing I like to have a crowded house now and then! All in all, things are well and mostly as they should be. Looking forward to the new year, and new adventures. And enjoying today while it is here. Love to all... may you find peace, joy and love in the next few days, and even more after that. Stevie

Goodness gracious.

Have you ever, out of sheer frustration, just wanted to reach over the flick someone right in the middle of their forehead?

LISTEN UP PLEASE!

HUG SOMEONE YOU LOVE. NOW. DO NOT DELAY. DO NOT WAIT. YOU REALLY DO NOT KNOW IF THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE OR NOT. seriously. Love to all of you that still stop by... Stevie

For Stephen

It's funny how people drift in, and out, and then in again, into your life. Even our blog family is like that... we have drifted apart a bit, in part due to the popularity of facebook, in part because we all simply have such busy lives. And when the time is right, I am sure we will all drift back together again. I do miss you all. But the person I am thinking of right now is Stephen Mcgarva. Stephen is a man I went to high school with. He was a year or two ahead of me, and I remember him quite clearly, though surely we never said more than a few words to each other back then. After all, I was a "minor niner" and he was "that cute guy in grade 11!" But he was one of those older kids in school that always stuck in my head, and over the years since high school, he has drifted past my little island of life and I have wondered how his own life turned out. Enter facebook, and a reconnection. We have chatted a few times, he is happily married with a lovely wife and two incredibly beautiful daughters, an artist, an activist for animals, and appears to me, and by his own words, very happy. I have taken impish delight in telling him about the lovely valley September we had, describing the perfect blue in the sky, the crisp in the air, the colours of the leaves blanketing the wetlands in a patchwork quilt of beauty. And always he laughed, and called me dreadful for making him miss his valley home. Of course, my teasing was often born of good natured envy as he has been trekking about Scotland, and wouldn't I just love to be in his shoes for a few days! But a few days ago, Stephen's beloved stepfather Blair died, and I feel his grief as though it were my own. And that is where the funny comes in. Not funny, HA HA, but funny, sort of odd in a bittersweet way. A few conversations on-line, a short reconnection from an almost non-existent connection in high school, and yet I feel so very close to Stephen, as though we had been friends for years and years, never out of touch. While the internet has in many ways caused changes that are not so good in our world, it has also created paths to people we would otherwise have perhaps never met, like all of us, as well as paths back to people that were once in our lives, and, it would seem, never truly left. Stephen, I wish I could say something, anything, to help ease your grief right now. I wept openly when I read your email, and my heart broke a little to think of your darling girls not having more time with Blair, nor you having just one more visit with him. Keep him close in your heart, keep that image of him riding off with Bugsie and Jake, a trio once again, doing what they love, without the constraints of mortality to pen them in. The best of my love to you and your family... the best of my strength to you personally. I will spend today in my corrals, clearing out the weeds and getting them ready for our own horses, knowing Blair is watching over all of us, guiding my hands and heart gently. I will stop a moment, and breathe deep, and keep his image safe in my heart. With love, S

Natural Law

Many of you will remember Ian Cobb, my former common-law husband, from years of mentions in long ago posts. He is now happily re-attached (still awaiting the announcement of an elopement with his love Carrie, a woman I respect and care for a good deal) and has a successful and hard-hitting (in good old Ma Murray tradition) on-line newspaper, E-KNOW. This particular link to his paper is in regards to bullying, and I tip my hat to him for it. Never were one to pull yer punches, eh Cobber? I am proud of you. Stevie

Thanksgiving happiness

So many things to be thankful for, but chief among them, the friends and family in my life that are more precious than any material possession could ever be. Last weekend, my brother Rob added to our clan when he married the beautiful Lucinda Pearce, and with her two new little girls, Kiana and Aislin, both of whom are such treasures to add to our growing family! With the next generation providing us with babies, I am struck by how I have entered the new phase of my life... the older generation, as great-auntie and one day, grandma. While I encourage my lovely children to wait a little longer, in truth, I can hardly wait for grandchildren, especially after watching my eldest sister Rose with granddaughters Hope, Cassie and a new grandson due in February, and my sister Daphne with her very new grandson, Caleb. Without further ado, a few images of the wedding, new grandbabies, new members of my family, including Konrad, who came to us via Leah and Michaela of two posts back. Much love and peace to all, happy happy Thanksgiving. May you see all wonders in your life and embrace them close to your heart. xoxo Stevie

My bit of the toast...

So my big brother Rob is getting married tomorrow! And we 4 sisters have been tasked with writing a speech. We divided it up into four parts, Young Rob, Teen Rob, Daddy Rob and Dr. Rob, the healer. I chose Daddy Rob.. and here is my speech... Daddy Rob As the baby of the family, I don’t have young Bobby memories, and when I was a teenager, he was my “moved away, Big Brother Rob” who came home to the valley with the likes of Benny, Bradley and Johnny, always bringing fun and laughter, and his super secret spaghetti sauce recipe. But I think how he treated me as a little one was a great indication as to what kind of father he was to become. When I was about 8, my hero was Wonder Woman. I had the doll, I watched the show faithfully, and had a Wonder Woman costume. I wanted to be Wonder Woman. One day Rob came home with a gift for me. It was an autographed photo of none other than, TA-RA TA-RA, Lynda Carter herself, which he had stood in line for, at World Of Wheels, for two hours to get for me. He was a teenager… and as I understood it, in my self absorbed 8-year-old mind, teenage brothers mostly thought their baby sisters were pests. But no. Two hours. Just for me. And I cherished that photo for years. It said “To Stephanie, Peace, Lynda Carter.” Sadly that photo has been lost, but the indelible impression it left on me, or rather Rob’s efforts to get me such a fine gift, will be in my heart forever. Years later, as the mother of a terminally ill baby daughter, I was again gifted with his love and dedication when he flew across the country to meet her before her short life was over. To celebrate it, to be there with a fellow parent, his pesky kid sister, and to once again prove how boundless his love is. And when his own children came, there was no doubt in anyone’s mind they were the apple of his eye. He never made parenting sound like a chore. He never “babysat.” He was a dad. He does not laugh at his children’s dreams. He encourages them. The rules are in place. But so is the unconditional love. Daddy Rob’s life and all its parts include children. Why? Simply because that is who he is: a Daddy. Fullstop. And now, he has two more daughters to love, play with, laugh with and guide, and lucky little girls they are. xo Stephanie

The roll of the universe...

Indeed, I do mean roll, not role... And sometimes those waves bring lovely souls, like brilliant bits of flotsam and jetsam, into your life like a soft blessing. Enter Leah and Michaela this week. But first I have to backtrack a touch. When I was with the youth centre, as some of you may remember, I joined TYPS (Town Youth Participation Strategy), the national youth centre board. The people I met during this few years were many and varied, and many have joined the ranks of my collection of souls I love. My first conference with TYPS was in 2006 (I think!) in Cornwall Ontario. Delegates from all over Canada, representing youth centres and groups, gathered to meet, discuss, create and share ideas. We were each given a tidy little book outlining our agenda, various topics, and in the back, we were told as we sat in the theatre, a spot to "write down the names and email addresses of the new friends we would make here." The young man sitting next to me smiled, and leaning over to me, wrote on his blank page, "will you be my friend?" I laughed and wrote down my name and info, and met for the first time the irrepressible Michael Bergeron from Orleans, Ottawa Ontario. He was there with his youth centre partner Andre Brisbois, and in an instant of sharing, Mike fast became a dear and lifelong friend. We met at a few more conferences, called and emailed now and then, always sharing the highs and lows in our lives, laughing, being very silly and, occasionally, doing things that, while fun, nearly got us arrested once! (I believe the pink and purple dog story is a few years back on my blog). Years later, we have kept in touch, sometimes sporadically, but the friendship has never suffered and it is always like we just saw each one another "the other day." Mike even attended my family reunion a couple of years back, cementing his spot in my clan. When we spoke on the phone a few weeks ago, Mike told me about his new adventure as an intern at a biodynamic farm in Ottawa with his Aussie love, Leah Shields. He had met her during his travels in Indonesia, and mentioned she was going to be travelling our way soon with a friend visiting from Australia. So of course, if I could not see Mike, at least I could meet this young woman I had heard so much about, and told him to let her know to look us up. I friended her on facebook, extended the invite personally, informed Tony I had invited two total strangers to stay with us, and two weeks later, late at night, she and her best friend Michaela were in our home, sipping ginger tea and trusting that we were not going to kidnap them and keep them on this remote ranch in the Rockies! They meant to stay only a day or two, then head towards Vancouver, stopping along the way in Nelson for a few days. But we fell completely in love with them, and convinced them to stay. The week has been filled with fun and laughter, good food and hugs, and I once again feel so very fortunate to live where I work so we could have this time with them. I am not certain I have ever had easier house guests, and with both at 23, it was much like finding two new daughters in my life. Tony fell in love with them as well, and today, Friday, we look at having to set them on a bus as Michaela's Canadian adventure ends Sunday when she flies back Down Under. I don't mind admitting I am really very sad to see them go. These beautiful young souls have added their colour and beauty to the tapestry of my life... and I am so thankful for that Cornwall conference that brought not only Mike into my circle, but Leah and Michaela as well. Travel safe my darling and daring girls... there will always be a bed and cup of tea waiting for you here... a safe port in any storm, our loving arms awaiting you. xoxo

Dinner and a thought...

We just had dinner. Roast chicken, fingerling potatoes, baby carrots, salad... and every bit we raised or grew and harvested ourselves. That feels.... pretty amazing. :)

WTF??

I mean seriously, are we really getting to the point where people just cannot take the time to a) spell a word out and b) spell correctly? I can see WTF... only because swearing is not really a nice thing to do publicly (or any other time, though yes, despite my best efforts I still on occasion slip up use some pretty juicy language). And I do use lol, or rolf. So yes, I am being something of a hypocrite. But are we really so lazy that we cannot spell out "I don't know?" I am consistently shocked by the increasing spelling errors I read in posts on facebook and other places, especially when it is young people I know get straight A report cards and yet cannot spell worth a hootnanny. We all make mistakes. But come on! The age of auto correct is a scary one. I make a point of spelling out words, even when texting. Yep, it takes me an extra few seconds that could be better put to use, I don't know, breathing, but I have mastered the art of breathing WHILE texting, so it seems a moot point. We are just moving too too fast. Tony and I have been talking about this, and the fact we really feel we should continue our (as in his and my) current trend to be more self sufficient. We are growing more of our own produce, raising chickens (yesterday's "harvest" was not as awful as I thought it would be and we got our first 7 eggs today!) and there are so many more things we can start doing that will help us help ourselves. Slowing down... getting a little more back to basics... spelling our words out in full and correctly.... reading more, loving more, being more at peace.

Please to read.

http://www.e-know.ca/news/brenda-bymans-disappearance-haunts-family-51-years-later/ Thank you.

...

and then suddenly it is like you receive a massive blow to the stomach... and you can't breathe for just a moment... and nothing is ever quite the same again.

Is there a statute of limitations on grief?

51 years ago she went for a walk with friends.
51 years ago she never came back.
Despite a massive manhunt, no trace of Brenda Byman was ever found. This year, she would have been 63.
For her family, her mother, her brother and sisters, it is as clear as yesterday. Her father died wondering.
Yet some tell them to give up. Sneer when they still search for answers. Deride them for wanting to know.
Is there a statute of limitations on grief?
I don't think so.
Nor should there be.
If it were your daughter, your sister, YOURS... would you rest easy never knowing? Would you just forget? Give up?
That is what the Byman family has been told to do.
I say no.
I lost my daughter. She was two months old. She never had a chance at life.
And yes, I grieve her still.
But at least I have the blessing of knowing what happened to her. There is no question in my mind we did all we could. There is no question what happened. And there is no question she is at peace.
I lost my daughter. But I have closure.
The Byman family does not.
I say there is no statute of limitation on grief or loss. When I see a member of the family, I neither roll nor avert my eyes. I do not sigh or look away if they mention her name.
And I never will.
I am a journalist. I am honoured they have asked me to write about the reopening of Brenda's cold case.
I will do everything I can to help.
And anyone who does not like it can come and talk to me face to face. If you have the courage. If you have the balls.
I fucking dare you.

Beauty is far more than breast deep....

This is Cheyanne. I met her through my friend Dusty one month after she had a double mastectomy. She was to start chemotherapy and was going to cut her hair prior and so wanted to get some photos of her waist long, blond hair.
The three of us met up, created a set and did some photos to celebrate not just her hair, but her bravery, her beauty, her strength and her immensely positive attitude, as well as the strength women have when they come together this way.
Thank you Cheyanne, for sharing such an empowering day with me.

a new thought....

So that gorgeous creature Rache and I were online chatting last night... and we were thinking about the post we both had about meeting in New York in 2013 to celebrate the world not ending.
And we were thinking well that might be pretty hard to do financially for a lot of us. I mean, first plane tickets, then a hotel for a few days in New York?
Yikers.
SO... erm.. here is a new thought... I love on an a amazing ranch. My boss used to rent out her amazing house (that sleeps like 22 people) and even though she does really do it much any more, I bet we could offer her a little something and rent her place for a weekend... or best yet, a week, for less than a couple of us staying at the Chelsea (And I will totally pitch in equally) and we could be here, in heaven, with the entire valley to explore, a pool, hot tub, horses, and 1000 acres to call our own.
Just a thought... but the place is incredible, and we could all be together, save a lot of money (we have a second room as well!) and well, heck, it is the VALLEY! Dale, you have to stay here as well.
Were we serious about it? I will pick people up in Calgary... if you can all book time off and get decent deals on plane tickets...
Gypsy?
Vally?
MB?
AM?
Lannio?
Koos?
Sir Ian?
Chantal?
Margie?
Rache?
(Margery, Chris and Dale, of course, but you already live here... or did! LOL)
Who did I miss????
we could do it...

you know, the difference between a dream that comes true and one that does not is whether or not you say it out loud.....

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

ps
every few years we could save up and do it in each others various countries!

WAHOOOOOO!

I HAVE INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IN MY ACTUAL HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IT IS NOT DIAL UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sad news...

Our filly Roxy, not even two years old, was called to equine heaven on Sunday last.
We are very sad... her dam Lexi is also very sad. I spend a good deal of time with her just now... just being with her, leaning up against her, stroking her neck and nose, sharing in the mourning and, hopefully, the healing. We seem to feel one another, she and I.
You were a happy, darling, spirited little filly Roxy... may all your pastures be green now.
xoxo

Winter wonderland....

Soon, soon I will have internet at home... and then my darlings we will take over blogland once again!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

My mama...

Circa 1978.
I love you mom.
:)