Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I am moved in. ish.

this will be my home for six months... it is a good home. I will be happy here. I will heal here.
must to the long overdue rounds.
xo
for now... my column. Goodbye to the YC... for now.

New beginnings

A little over a week ago I turned 39.

I don’t feel it. To be honest, I don’t think a lot about age. But the number is there and I find myself scrutinizing it as one would a colourful bug: interesting, but not interesting enough to really concern myself about. As long as it doesn’t bite…

With that birthday, the very same day, another event occurred: it was my last at the youth centre.

My time at the Summit has come to an end. I think I knew it was time about six months ago, but refused to give it up, thinking I could never walk away and be complete.

But it was time. Time for new blood, new ideas, new energy. Time for someone to take the reins and take it even further. They say a good leader knows when to let someone else lead. Hopefully I can fit into that category.

Time for me to walk away, much as a parent watches a child finally leave the nest. I have lived and breathed youth centre for so long , it seems very odd to think it will no longer be my first thought as I wake up in the morning. It is a bittersweet sort of feeling.

Eventually I will join on the board (if they will have me), but I realize I must make it a clean break for a little while and trust the new program coordinator and the incoming board of directors will keep things running smoothly. I am especially proud of one new board member in particular: Lee Meadows, who in some ways practically grew up at the YC, is taking on the role of vice-chair. I know he will receive the guidance he needs, and Lee, you know I am always just a phone call or text away. Incoming treasurer Diana Linde is also an exciting addition, with the skills required to keep the financials on track and in order. There are more new members, a few still from last year, and I am encouraged to think they will keep everything going, bigger and better.

My new job will keep me busy and my mind off what is for me a monumental change.

But I do want to thank everyone who has ever been a part of the YC, the various members of the board over the years, the volunteers, the donors (private, business and corporate) and most especially the youth.

You guys have been the light of my life, even when we butted heads and we challenged each other.

I watched so many of you grow up, sometimes make mistakes, but much more often make me proud. I know, I know, I was sometimes too stern. But you never failed to come back, and I never doubted the bond I formed with so many of you.

You know that I believe in you. Each and every one of you. You know I will always be around somewhere and when I do stop in at the YC, it will be to play a game of pool or some 21, maybe a little ball hockey or whatever we come up with. No more paper work. No more longs stints at the desk. With this retirement, I get to do the part I like best: just hang with you.

It might be a bit before I show up. This letting go business is harder than I thought. But I will get there. And in the meantime, you know how to get hold of me, so never hesitate to if you need that ear to bend or a cup of tea. What I have told you all still holds true. You know what I mean and you know the number, and for those of you who don’t, get it from one of the others or ask me when you see me next.

You are truly a part of me. You are the one part of the youth centre I simply refuse to give up.

There will still be a River of Change camp in the spring, come hell or highwater, so I suppose it is appropriate to end this column the same way we end the camp at closing circle.

“And with that, I’m outta here.”

Love always

S

16 comments:

kae. said...

Where are you living now, my dear? <3

Stevie said...

Up on 11th... by the hospital... for six months, then to something more long term....

Drucilla said...

I'm glad. This will be good for you.

Stevie said...

yes. no stalkers. no cowboys. no YC. my heart needs to heal.

Anne-Marie said...

Stevie,
I just want to wish you a belated happy birthday and relay my sincere hopes that you will have your full healing. I will also tell you that life is going to hold some great times ahead for you as you mark your next few birthdays. I haven't met a woman yet who didn't shine brighter in her 40s.

xx
AM

t-money said...

Ahhh Steph! I haven't actually talked to you in so long.

Flip girl, I am so proud of you for being the incredibly strong and phenomenal woman that you are. You're a force of all elements.
I can only imagine how difficult all of these transitions are for you, but you're going to come out shining on the otherside.
I love you, and please call me if you ever need to vent, laugh, or dance your face off. LOVE LOVE.

Oh, and happy belated birthday!

Dale said...

Here I was last evening, talking with you at my kitchen table over a glass of wine, and I had no idea I missed your birthday!
Use this home to spend time on you and you will heal.
I am also very proud of Lee. He has great potential, not to mention he is a fabulous drummer!
Unfortunately, my new dining room suite is where his drums used to be... lol
Will you be going to the White House on Saturday evening?
We're heading over there after the Potato Palooza at Winderberry Greenhouse.

Take care and we'll get together again soon!

xoxo

Dale said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dale said...

That delete was me...

My comment posted twice.
oops

Vallypee said...

Hi Stevie, congratulations, well done and comiserations all in one! I had no idea it was your birthday, so like Anne Marie, I hope it was a good one, and that the next year will be fantastic for you. Even so, comiserations are partly due for leaving the YC even though you are pleased to be doing so. It must nevertheless be quite hard. Your post was very heartfelt. On top of that well done for everything you've done, including the grace with which you've handled all the tought stuff in your life lately. Hugs VallyP xxx

Unknown said...

I logged on to say happy birthday (knew it was around here somewhere!) and found your new post. Only 39? Enjoy your youth!

Lets see...when I was 39, I graduated from college, started tkd and met Randy. It was a good year! (Your colourful bug description is perfect btw).

11th by the hospital is nice. Hayley and I lived there for a while.

H told me a couple weeks ago (when I told her you were leaving the YC) that she wished she'd spent some of her time better last summer - got out more, etc. (you know, all the things we were both telling her she should do!) She was having a bit of a hard time reconciling the way things were with the way they will be next time she's there.

Lord knows the girl is no stranger to change, and she's fine. She's coming to terms and is looking forward to her next visit.

I'm so glad to hear that you're settling in to your new place and new job. It sounds like you are definitely set up for healing and new beginnings.

So here is my unsolicited advice: Take your time, be with your boys, visit the YC and just have fun. You're going to be better than fine. You're strong and healthy, you have wonderful friends and you are free.

So pour a glass, toast the future, take a deep breath and relax...

Love,
Rache
xo

Stevie said...

Rache, I love you. Do you know that? I do. And H always has a home here with me. I know there will be times Ian as a million things on the go, and frankly, I will be requesting a little "custody" time of my own with our girl. Nothing changes except location in my mind, and Ian is good with that. I left a photo of the boys for him when I left, which he was well chuffed with.
It will be a good healing time. and your advice is well taken and will be well heeded.
All of you are so amazing. MY god, what did I ever do without you?
xoxo
Stevie

Vallypee said...

Rache's words are just right...I agree totally...so pur that glass and toast yourself and everything you are and stand for to all the people who love you..us included.

It sounds as if the healing is already beginning. Big hugs.xx

Unknown said...

I love you too...sniff. You've gone and made me snuffle...

Big hugs (from both of us)

xx

MargieCM said...

Stevie, it's been too long - my fault; I'm a dreadfully slack blogger. I've just been reading your last few posts and all the comments. Wow, what a turbulent, exhilarating, brave and exciting ride you're on. I am always sorry to see a relationship break up, but often it is simply the right move. My sister's doing it (again) at the moment. Trouble is, knowing it's the right thing to do doesn't make it much easier.

Goodbye to the YC? That was gutsy and incredibly strong of you, and I'm sure absolutely right. Few people have the sense or courage to move on at the right time. We cling to what we know. Good luck with the new start Stevie.

In the midst of all this life-affirming change is your birthday. At 39 you are ten years younger than I am, and I honestly feel that you're moving into one of the most fulfilling times of your life. It was only in my forties that I started to truly feel comfortable and confident with the person I was, how I looked, how I behaved, and most importantly, where my life priorities lay. It just gets better from here in my book.

Here's to life, good choices and good friends.

M x

Vallypee said...

Hope life's treating you well, Stevie, and the new home is warm and welcoming in the long evenings. Take care dear xx