At this point I should tell you all Ian and I have split.
Actually, it was December. But for various reasons, some of which I truly did not agree with but respected Ian's wishes, we have not been terribly vocal about it.
But I have felt rather bad not letting you all in on this news, as you all mean a great deal to me and I have wanted to tell you.
At this point, we are still living in the same house, and will until a) I find a place to afford on my own, and b) until we come across a couple of roommates that will be decent ones for Ian.
My intention is for him to keep the house. It means to much more to him than me, and gives him the stability and equity he has craved for so long.
There are no bad guys in this scenario, and those closest to me were not surprised. We have no animosity towards each other, and I still have great respect for him, and I believe him for me.
So changes are afoot, but in the end, we will both be happy.
Love to you all.... and I am sorry for not sharing this rather enourmous news earlier, especially to you Rache. I have no idea if he told you or not, but I felt it his place to do so. Now, not knowing for certain if he has, I felt you should know before our girl arrives home and safe in your loving arms. She knows something is afoot, but it was Ian's wish not to tell her. She knows though, that no matter what, she is my soul child, and I could not love her more had I given birth to her myself. She will always remain my daughter, one you have so graciously allowed me to have, for whom I am forever grateful.
S
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
3:49 a.m.
Late night brings early morn
And Cuervo ramblings.
A mind and heart project...
A thought
A wish
A notion
A perfection...
What lies beneath perfect calm?
But currents deep
And eddies strong
A lasting truth
Forgiving fear
A wonder if
Forever near.
Testing baiting living waiting
Long lines of ramparts
Contemplating
Would that numbness replace the pain
Would that sun erase the rain
And in due time would triumph be
The place and present soliloquy.
Words sent and spoken
Haste made strange
Spoken… heard
Forgiveness reign.
The soul once raped finds solitude
But when and where and why eludes.
A prayer comes forth
To Goddess which
In truth can be answered only by the one
Who gives it birth.
(ps.... I am fine...)
And Cuervo ramblings.
A mind and heart project...
A thought
A wish
A notion
A perfection...
What lies beneath perfect calm?
But currents deep
And eddies strong
A lasting truth
Forgiving fear
A wonder if
Forever near.
Testing baiting living waiting
Long lines of ramparts
Contemplating
Would that numbness replace the pain
Would that sun erase the rain
And in due time would triumph be
The place and present soliloquy.
Words sent and spoken
Haste made strange
Spoken… heard
Forgiveness reign.
The soul once raped finds solitude
But when and where and why eludes.
A prayer comes forth
To Goddess which
In truth can be answered only by the one
Who gives it birth.
(ps.... I am fine...)
Sunday, June 15, 2008
A series of unfortunate and fortunate events....
So, sometimes you have to really wonder.
Last night something happened that could be viewed as lucky or unlucky, depending on your perspective.
I had gone into Calgary to see Left Spine Down, my startling beautiful Dru’s startling beautiful lover Denyss’ Vancouver based band. Over the past few months I had flaked out on her twice already due to work commitments, so I was determined to be there for this performance at The Underground in Calgary. And seeing as how these two awful plastic Goth girls, both of whom outweigh Dru significantly, and for whatever reason (jealousy I am sure) have both acted in threatening manners, even at one point one of them hitting Dru on the dance floor under the auspice of not perhaps being clear on mosh etiquette, I was not prepared to leave her side until she and Denyss were in the car and on the way to her apartment.
That was nearly 2:30 a.m.
My plan was to head over to Twisted Element to visit my two favourite drag queen friends Tara and Laura and talk about plans for a gay pride event in the East Kootenay.
And I know exactly where Twisted is, but for some reason, went down the wrong street.
Realizing my mistake, I circled around to get on the right street, which is one way.
As I rounded the last corner, an ambulance shot past me, and I saw the aftermath of a REALLY recent crash, like maybe a few minutes tops.
And as I carefully navigated around it, I saw standing in the street, Denyss and Dru, both looking very rattled, the unfortunate occupants of the smashed vehicle I was now stopped beside.
Of course I parked immediately and ran over to poor Dru who was wide eyed and shaking violently.
“Steph I don’t know what happened, I don’t know what happened.”
As I held her I looked over at Denyss, also pale but retaining, I must say, an impressive calm.
The long and short is this: as they headed home, with three green lights in front of them, Dru, who was driving, began to cross an intersection and was broadsided by another car, driven by a young woman who had been clubbing with her three friends. I am not sure just how many drinks were in that other driver, but it was obvious she had had at least a few, and her friends several. Luckily she and two of her passengers were ok, the forth sustaining only minor injuries but having to be extricated from the back seat of the car.
Dru does not drink at all. I feel compelled to point that out, as well as the fact she is a very careful driver.
The other car hit them with enough force to spin them around and slam them into a light standard on the other side of the street.
Had the timing been even slightly different, this story would have a tragic outcome as she would have hit my Dru’s driver’s side door and I don’t even want to think of what may have happened. And thankfully both Ds were wearing their seatbelts.
I am incredibly grateful I took the wrong street and came upon them. My cell was off, and though Dru’s first thought was to dial me, I would not have received the call. I am even more thankful they are both ok. Bumps and bruises and sore muscles, but essentially fine.
The car, however, was totaled.
So, you could say they were unfortunate to be in the accident. I prefer to think they were incredibly fortunate to be ok.
What a way to meet Denyss for the first time, and Denyss, though I am sure you will never read this, Dru will, and I want to say I was honestly touched by the care you took of her, and how calm and level headed you remained. Your concern for everyone around you, including the occupants of the other car, speak volumes for who you are, and I am glad you are in my Dru’s life, even if only when the two of you can be.
And Dru, Dearest Dru, you were so very strong throughout the entire episode. I was… am… so very proud of you. You are made of stern stuff and I hope you realize how impressive it is that while most people would have fallen apart, you did not.
I love you. Thank you for being ok.
xoxo
ADDENDUM:
I fear I made Dru out to be weak and wimpy and that is not the case, so I would like to add that, though she is slim and tiny, Dru also tosses around bales of hay at her place of employment, and if she had to I am sure could handle herself quite well, but two against one you know... not cricket, hence my concern for her well being in regards to the plastic goth girls.
Last night something happened that could be viewed as lucky or unlucky, depending on your perspective.
I had gone into Calgary to see Left Spine Down, my startling beautiful Dru’s startling beautiful lover Denyss’ Vancouver based band. Over the past few months I had flaked out on her twice already due to work commitments, so I was determined to be there for this performance at The Underground in Calgary. And seeing as how these two awful plastic Goth girls, both of whom outweigh Dru significantly, and for whatever reason (jealousy I am sure) have both acted in threatening manners, even at one point one of them hitting Dru on the dance floor under the auspice of not perhaps being clear on mosh etiquette, I was not prepared to leave her side until she and Denyss were in the car and on the way to her apartment.
That was nearly 2:30 a.m.
My plan was to head over to Twisted Element to visit my two favourite drag queen friends Tara and Laura and talk about plans for a gay pride event in the East Kootenay.
And I know exactly where Twisted is, but for some reason, went down the wrong street.
Realizing my mistake, I circled around to get on the right street, which is one way.
As I rounded the last corner, an ambulance shot past me, and I saw the aftermath of a REALLY recent crash, like maybe a few minutes tops.
And as I carefully navigated around it, I saw standing in the street, Denyss and Dru, both looking very rattled, the unfortunate occupants of the smashed vehicle I was now stopped beside.
Of course I parked immediately and ran over to poor Dru who was wide eyed and shaking violently.
“Steph I don’t know what happened, I don’t know what happened.”
As I held her I looked over at Denyss, also pale but retaining, I must say, an impressive calm.
The long and short is this: as they headed home, with three green lights in front of them, Dru, who was driving, began to cross an intersection and was broadsided by another car, driven by a young woman who had been clubbing with her three friends. I am not sure just how many drinks were in that other driver, but it was obvious she had had at least a few, and her friends several. Luckily she and two of her passengers were ok, the forth sustaining only minor injuries but having to be extricated from the back seat of the car.
Dru does not drink at all. I feel compelled to point that out, as well as the fact she is a very careful driver.
The other car hit them with enough force to spin them around and slam them into a light standard on the other side of the street.
Had the timing been even slightly different, this story would have a tragic outcome as she would have hit my Dru’s driver’s side door and I don’t even want to think of what may have happened. And thankfully both Ds were wearing their seatbelts.
I am incredibly grateful I took the wrong street and came upon them. My cell was off, and though Dru’s first thought was to dial me, I would not have received the call. I am even more thankful they are both ok. Bumps and bruises and sore muscles, but essentially fine.
The car, however, was totaled.
So, you could say they were unfortunate to be in the accident. I prefer to think they were incredibly fortunate to be ok.
What a way to meet Denyss for the first time, and Denyss, though I am sure you will never read this, Dru will, and I want to say I was honestly touched by the care you took of her, and how calm and level headed you remained. Your concern for everyone around you, including the occupants of the other car, speak volumes for who you are, and I am glad you are in my Dru’s life, even if only when the two of you can be.
And Dru, Dearest Dru, you were so very strong throughout the entire episode. I was… am… so very proud of you. You are made of stern stuff and I hope you realize how impressive it is that while most people would have fallen apart, you did not.
I love you. Thank you for being ok.
xoxo
ADDENDUM:
I fear I made Dru out to be weak and wimpy and that is not the case, so I would like to add that, though she is slim and tiny, Dru also tosses around bales of hay at her place of employment, and if she had to I am sure could handle herself quite well, but two against one you know... not cricket, hence my concern for her well being in regards to the plastic goth girls.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
late night awaiting dawn...
and here once again
in the belly of the night
stealing pandoraesque moments through doors best left unopened
cursing wishing missing bereaving
a cacophony of silence screaming wordless into the water
a lesson never learned in claiming insight and hating what was there
head straight eyes up never let them see you tremble
even though your very soul is bleeding with the cruel slashes made by your own hand
a thousand apologies whispered half heartedly
promises predestined for failure placed lurid on the windowsill to await the dawn
do not look when you know it will cut
masochistic tendency entangles with pride and self indulgence
a napalm of emotion burning hot through skin, bone, soul
tears offering only moments of relief
but while assuaging the immediate same tears leave behind ghosts of what might have been
a wish… a wish… of stairways and dark roads leading everywhere and nowhere
a thought to old scars and back again, then focus on new and work harder harder harder until all breath is gone and pulse races dangerous
dawn will come… though slow to rise… and passion works both sides of the battle
neither wholly pure not wholly sin
devil’s advocate just the same….
in the belly of the night
stealing pandoraesque moments through doors best left unopened
cursing wishing missing bereaving
a cacophony of silence screaming wordless into the water
a lesson never learned in claiming insight and hating what was there
head straight eyes up never let them see you tremble
even though your very soul is bleeding with the cruel slashes made by your own hand
a thousand apologies whispered half heartedly
promises predestined for failure placed lurid on the windowsill to await the dawn
do not look when you know it will cut
masochistic tendency entangles with pride and self indulgence
a napalm of emotion burning hot through skin, bone, soul
tears offering only moments of relief
but while assuaging the immediate same tears leave behind ghosts of what might have been
a wish… a wish… of stairways and dark roads leading everywhere and nowhere
a thought to old scars and back again, then focus on new and work harder harder harder until all breath is gone and pulse races dangerous
dawn will come… though slow to rise… and passion works both sides of the battle
neither wholly pure not wholly sin
devil’s advocate just the same….
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Zany conversations...
So there is really almost no video to these two clips as it was very dark, just the odd bit of light now and then, but it did capture the atmosphere of the late night laps around the track at the 12 hours Relay For Life last night. The voices are of myself and my young friend Zane, 20, whom I conned into the relay again this year with just half a cookie....
The first is less than a minute, the second just over five minutes... Zany conversation....
:)
S
Da yoot centre relay team: Team Quest!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)