Tuesday, April 22, 2008

dog days.....


Well.

It has been quite a day and a half.
Mike and Ian planned some time ago to take all our assorted children to West Edmonton Mall.
Minus me of course.
Which suits me fine as I am not really a huge fan of the place.
But of course, this arrangement resulted in the assumption I would care for Mike’s Jack Russell Terror, Jake. And no, that is not a typo.

Now, first of all, as Mike and I share custody of our nearly grown boys and they live with him three days per week, he gave me a key to the house so if ever they needed to get in I could open the door.
However, he recently had to change his locks, and in doing so, entrusted the key he had cut for me to my darling 18-year-old Justin.
Justin promptly lost said key.
But thinking he knew where it was, we didn’t bother to tell Mike so as to avoid the whole lecture about not losing keys.
So here is a brief point form outline of my last 48 hours:

Sunday afternoon: Mike leaves, I head to his house and let dog out. On my way out I lock the door.

Sunday evening: I go to let dog out for last pee, realize I have no key, say several bad words, and climb in through side window, incurring several scrapes on the way in.
I say more bad words. And lock door on way out.

Monday morning: I realize I must let dog out again. But again face a locked door. I consider having myself checked for Alzheimer's. One kid goes with me and I send him through the window. Younger children take bus to school.
I let dog out, collect items for trip to Edmonton for youngest son, and take oldest son to school… this time leaving the door unlocked.

Monday afternoon: make frenzied trip to get tires balanced before weekend conference, renew my car insurance which ran out 10 days previous (oops) and run around doing various chores before deciding dog should just come home with me for the next two days instead of being all alone. Head to house, collect dog and dog food, walk out door and lock it. Realize I left daughter’s Ipod inside. Immediately realize my error in locking door. More bad words.

Take dog to my house, walk in, take him off leash.
Dog sees cat. Cat sees dog. Much insanity ensues. Did not realize cat could fly. Did not realize I should get out of the way.
Cat finds hiding place, dog is quivering with excitement regarding cat, I wash much blood from wounds on both arms incurred in cat meeting dog incident.

More badder words.

Find cat, put him in my room with door closed and all necessities. Find dog. Discuss finer points of interspecies manners and pecking order. Cat was here first.

Go pick kids up from school. Break into house for a third time and ponder the legalities of actions.

Get stuff. Make sure we have all stuff. Triple check that we have all stuff. Go back for dog bed. Lock door.

Kids and men leave.

Monday evening: make dinner, write, watch some tv. Ensure cat/dog segregation complete. Go to bed.

Dog whines.

Dog cries.

Dog gets into garbage.

I sigh.

Pat the cat on head and take blanket and pillow downstairs to sleep on couch to shut dog up… but clean up garbage on kitchen floor first. Have serious discussion with dog about interspecies manners again.

Lie down on couch. Dog leaps up and lies down on me.

I sigh.

Dog is happy.

Dog sleeps.

I do not.

And that concludes today’s episode of Adventures in Dog Sitting. Stay tuned. The little runt is here for another night.

8 comments:

MargieCM said...

Stevie, I always knew you were a saint, and this proves it. How you managed to get through this succession of disasters without ending up in a quivering heap curled up in a corner in the foetal position I will never know. You are a tough cookie. On a fragile day, after the second lockout I guarantee my bad words would have made yours blush, and after the third I would be drowning in tears of hopeless frustration.

Instead, you make us all laugh. What are you ON, woman?

Stevie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stevie said...

LOL! Really Margie, with people like you in my life it is easy to keep a smile on my face!

gypsy noir said...

As I was reading the story, the music from mission impossible was in my head!!..

Dale said...

ROFL!

You do have the knack of making a rather upsetting (to say the least) series of episodes very funny. It adds the human touch.

Have you read "eat pray love"?
Very funny and very touching.

I can relate.

I have a bit of an aversion to terror dogs - be they fox, bull, jack russell...

Cheryl Ann said...

DARLING, YOU ARE THE BEST!!!

Wuv & Hugs-
cher

Anne-Marie said...

Hi Stevie,
We've had a whole week like that since acquiring the fabulous Whiskey. Austin is currently at the ER because our littlest cat, Sirius, gave him some serious scratches in a related dog/cat incident yesterday. The wound on one finger has become infected and he is in serious pain, poor guy.

Meanwhile, cats and dog have made a semblance of peace, and the big boy himself (Whiskey, not Austin) is sleeping on the sofa beside me as I type. It's been quite the week, although I laughed much harder at your writing than at our own adventures here.

xx
AM

Vallypee said...

Oh Stevie, this was brilliant. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get here, but it was definitely worth the wait..."I didn't know cat's could fly"...I nearly wet myself over that one.

At least you managed to smile at the end of it all ;-)