late night awaiting dawn...

and here once again
in the belly of the night
stealing pandoraesque moments through doors best left unopened
cursing wishing missing bereaving
a cacophony of silence screaming wordless into the water
a lesson never learned in claiming insight and hating what was there
head straight eyes up never let them see you tremble
even though your very soul is bleeding with the cruel slashes made by your own hand
a thousand apologies whispered half heartedly
promises predestined for failure placed lurid on the windowsill to await the dawn
do not look when you know it will cut
masochistic tendency entangles with pride and self indulgence
a napalm of emotion burning hot through skin, bone, soul
tears offering only moments of relief
but while assuaging the immediate same tears leave behind ghosts of what might have been
a wish… a wish… of stairways and dark roads leading everywhere and nowhere
a thought to old scars and back again, then focus on new and work harder harder harder until all breath is gone and pulse races dangerous
dawn will come… though slow to rise… and passion works both sides of the battle
neither wholly pure not wholly sin
devil’s advocate just the same….