At this point I should tell you all Ian and I have split.
Actually, it was December. But for various reasons, some of which I truly did not agree with but respected Ian's wishes, we have not been terribly vocal about it.
But I have felt rather bad not letting you all in on this news, as you all mean a great deal to me and I have wanted to tell you.
At this point, we are still living in the same house, and will until a) I find a place to afford on my own, and b) until we come across a couple of roommates that will be decent ones for Ian.
My intention is for him to keep the house. It means to much more to him than me, and gives him the stability and equity he has craved for so long.
There are no bad guys in this scenario, and those closest to me were not surprised. We have no animosity towards each other, and I still have great respect for him, and I believe him for me.
So changes are afoot, but in the end, we will both be happy.
Love to you all.... and I am sorry for not sharing this rather enourmous news earlier, especially to you Rache. I have no idea if he told you or not, but I felt it his place to do so. Now, not knowing for certain if he has, I felt you should know before our girl arrives home and safe in your loving arms. She knows something is afoot, but it was Ian's wish not to tell her. She knows though, that no matter what, she is my soul child, and I could not love her more had I given birth to her myself. She will always remain my daughter, one you have so graciously allowed me to have, for whom I am forever grateful.
S
11 comments:
Stevie......Thank you.....and you're welcome. I don't really know what to say except as soon as I read your e-mail, I knew. No, he hasn't told me, not so much as a clue. But last time we talked - about three weeks ago, he was kinda funny if you know what I mean...
Before he leaves here next weekend I will see that he is the one who tells Hayley, though. She needs to know and she needs to hear it from him. I so wish that both of you had sat down with her and talked through this before they left the Valley. This is her 2nd 'divorce' in not quite fifteen years. She'll wonder how you could keep living in the same house, whether it was her fault, how it could be so bad that you had to split up? These are all questions that I can't answer for her.
Ian's going to have to step up this time and do what's right. It would be so wrong in so many ways for Hayley to have to hear about this from me....god I hope he's using the opportunity of spending hours in the car to tell her and help her understand - but I won't hold my breath.
I am so sorry things didn't work out for you guys. Ian is a good guy - just one who is truly unable to make a real commitment to another person. Did you know that I told him twice to get his sorry @$$ back home to you? Once clear back in 98 or 99, and again just a couple of years ago. You've been so good for him - and to him - and patient! through all these years. If I was a betting woman, though, I'd put my money on the beginning of the end being planning the wedding.
Okay, enough. Thank you, Stevie, for being there for Hayley during the past year. It's been a strange and difficult time for me, but knowing that you were there loving her and taking care of her made it bearable. I simply can't wait to see her! Last Ian said, they'll be here late Friday afternoon or in the evening.
And thank you again for telling your news before she gets home.
Love always. You and Ian will both land on your feet. I hope the boys are okay, and I will make sure Hayley keeps in touch.
R
XO
Rache...
Thank you for understanding. I did talk to her at one point, and said merely that we were having trouble, but that is had nothing to do with her and no matter what I loved her. I have been pretty angry with Ian over not telling her, and yes, I hope he talks to her as well on the way home. The whole thing has been very difficult, but if nothing else, I am sure she knows how much I love her.
Let me know how it goes when they arrive... don't be too hard on Ian... it was not easy for him to accept we are done...
and I know he, you and I will always share a greater love with H.
xo
S
ps
I think she grew like three inches. be prepared. she also has boots that lift her up about three extra inches. I prefer not to stand beside her when she is wearing them!
Stevie, what can I say but I am so sorry to hear things have not worked out for you and Ian. Still, from what you've said and Rache too, it was a long time coming, and the good part is that you have no anger or animosity about what has happened.
Needless to say, I am sure your natural strength and resilience will see you thriving in the future, so I hope your children (including Hayley) will realise it has nothing to with them, and that it will liberate you both for greater and happier things in future.
I forgot to add...big hugs and huddles coming your way from me to you..xxx
Steph, I was wondering what was happening in your little corner of the valley.
I am sad, as well, that it didn't work out for you and Ian.
Separation is something that cannot be put into a neat package and set on the shelf.
It is emotional, topsy-turvey, messy and earth-quaking. It can be that all at once, or those things can sneak up on you, one at a time, when you least expect it.
At least, that is how it has been for me this past year, but I'm learning how to ride the wave...
But you've been through it before, too.
Hang in there Steph.
If you should ever need a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on or a sounding board to bounce things off, I'm here.
Or just friendly, comfortable silence...
On a more practical note, I hope you find a place in the valley that is affordable and lets you keep pets - and children...
My, how I could go on about that, but that's an entirely different show.
Lots of hugs.
Dale
oh trust me, Ian gets the cat!
Thank you Dale, and Rache and Val... you are all so precious to me... I am blessed...
Friendship is the most valuable gift in the world - even if it is a cyber relationship. We have all been enriched by your kindness and support, Stevie. I only hope we too can offer you a warm and embracing cushion against the emotional roller coaster that is likely to come. I can't be there in person, but you will be in my thoughts always.
Stevie, you are a shining example of how things should be done when faced with these situations..
You show dignity and courage, level headedness and grace..
I just know that things will work out for the best for everyone concerned in the end..
I have nothing but admiration for you...you're one of lifes gudins, don't ever forget that..xx..
P.S-i'll have the cat!!!!
Well she's home. They pulled in about 4:30 Friday and Ian left before 5:00. It seems he was in a hurry to document fireworks over floodwater on the Mississippi or something. He'll never change - but I suppose that's part of the reason that those of us who have loved him did.
He told her - on Friday, but I'm not sure he would have if he did not know about this blog. I talked to him by phone while they were at Mesa Verde, and it seems that you 'advertising' (his word not mine) that you've split may have given him some level of closure. Hayley seems okay with it, but doesn't really want to talk about it yet. I figured as much.
Beyond that, it's all good here. Hayley LOVES her room. :) Getting her back in it was definitely the finishing touch it needed! I took her to the mall this afternoon so she could hang out with some of her friends and do a little shopping at Hot Topic.
As soon as I can get my picture downloading figured out again, I plan to actually post something in the next few days...
xo
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