My baby boy... my new girl... and my grandbaby on the way.... so much love!

Scott and Amanda

Well, let’s face it. This day came as no great surprise to any of us, but just like Christmas, that does not make it any less happy an event.

The two of you have just always fit. When you were little kids, when you were friends as teens… and when romance blossomed in high school, well, it just seemed to be a natural fit to all of us.

In this day and age of statistics and dire warnings about marriage, looking at you two makes me realize that true, life-long love really is possible. And this pleases me greatly.

Scott, you were such a chubby, happy baby, a truly sweet and adorable boy, and now you have grown into a handsome, wonderful man, though it seems like it happened all too quickly.

You have always been caring and loving to everyone and everything around you. The pride I feel for you and your brother Justin and sister Hayley is too big for words, too immense for me to even express.

You have also always been adventurous, which explains a few of the scars you will sport for life, and I cannot count the times you have put other people before yourself.

Just please remember to keep your head up and watch for obstacles instead of watching the speedometer on your bike to see how fast you are going. J

Amanda, you were such a shy sweet child, the quiet playmate of Scott and Hayley, (and what a whirlwind those two could be!) but always happy (except when they would scare you by arguing whether they saw a spider or not), part of the family long before you technically became part of the family.

And you have survived me! Well done Manda, well done!

I look at you now, and instead of that sweet, quiet little girl, there is this sweet, beautiful, loving woman who is sitting beside my son, his counterpoint, his harmony... his wife. 

I promise to always remember that being there for you does not mean being in your face.

Scott, you are my son, and I would defend you to the ends of the earth, but remember, every now and then we women have to stick together.

And since, of course, you two are going to get all sorts of advice from everyone about how to remain happy in your marriage, I will add my voice to the choir.

Remember than no one is perfect. No one. And it is easy to focus on the things that drive you crazy, but it is a lot less stressful and much more rewarding to focus on the things you love about each other.

Compromise. It will never be all about either one of you. Play on each other’s strengths, and be patient with the weaknesses, because we all have them.

You are a couple, a lifelong team, and while remaining a team is vital, remember that you are also still individuals, and give each other (and yourselves) the gift of space from time to time, and the gift to be who you are as individuals.

Argue each other’s point of view. When you really look at how the other person is feeling or reacting, when you truly try to see their side of things, it helps you find a common ground. Sometimes you win a fight, sometimes you lose one, and sometimes, no one wins, and that’s ok, because some fights no one needs to win. Let those ones go.

And since you are also going to be parents soon, I have two pieces of advice for that new adventure.

First and foremost, ever underestimate the value of asking for help on those days when you really need a break, or the dishes done, or a nap, or a shower, or to brush your teeth, or to actually finish a meal before it is cold.

And second, no matter what anyone tells you, no matter what “been there done that” advice you get, no matter what you read, the wee Niblet never read any of the books or heard any of the advice, so just smile and nod, and do what works best for the three of you.

So here is to you both, my son and my new daughter… may every day have laughter, may every day have joy, and may any days that seem hard just make the other ones that much sweeter.

I love you.

Mom

The death of a drama empress.

Interestingly, to me at least, is how often people have told me over the past five or so years, how "good I look" and attributed it directly to my happiness.
Who am I to argue that I am happy? I certainly am.
But when I think of the past five years, and all that has gone on, I find myself looking inward and asking, "The past five years have been in many ways my hardest by far, so why is it people see me as so happy? Why am I?"
I have come to the conclusion that I am happy not in spite of the bad things that have occurred, but because I have chosen to be happy under any circumstance.
I am heading into another rather stressful situation, exceedingly so really, the details of which are irrelevant, as hard equals hard, no matter what the issue.
I suppose I could let it depress me. I suppose I could break under that weight.
But... why? What earthly purpose could that serve?
I could rail and cry, and ask why me, and I could blame others for the situation, feel sorry for myself and say the universe is unfair. I could do any number of things. But that would not change the outcome.
But taking it on, facing it, without all the boohoo stuff, that will change the outcome enormously.
Because in the long run, who and what I am is my choice.
Don't get me wrong. Of course I have those days, the ones I just want to stay in bed and cry and hide from the world. I wouldn't be human if I didn't.
But when I consider the me of several years ago, and how I would have reacted to this current situation, and the me of now, reacting as I am, well, those are two quite different people.
A facebook post from an old friend inspired this blog post.
It had to do with him having, for 15 years, wanting to move back here to the valley, but how "something always got in the way," and he realized there is no point going some place "you are not wanted," then ended it with "Oh and happy mother's day to all the mothers out there."
And all I could think was, "How sad to be so determined to be so very miserable, to be so determined to be the victim."
I think I recognize it because I used to be somewhat like that.
Of course, just as no one can tell an alcoholic to stop drinking, no one can tell a determined sad sack to cheer up and look at the bright side.
They have to come to that on their own.

It truly has been the death of a drama empress. (Oh I assure you, in my younger days I surpassed drama queen by several levels!)

We can choose. Oh my yes, we can choose.
I suspect I will not mourn the old girl I once was.

In fact, I may just dance on her grave.

;)

Round the twist...

I have made a new friend I believe.
Funny how the universe does that.
Gently, sometimes, nudging us into the right path.
Violently, other times, when we are just too wrapped up in ourselves to listen.
This one was gentle.
Hello, J. Nice to meet you.

And I desperately need to be writing again.